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    • #22535
      Artful
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      I appreciate your setting up this forum for us.

      So the first Jokes on ME. My doctor asked me about my daily activity level
      so I described my typical day this way:

      “Yesterday afternoon,
      I walked along the edge of a couple of lakes,
      drank five beers,
      escaped from some wild dogs
      in the heavy brush,
      moved quickly away from an aggressive rattlesnake,
      walked up and down several hills,
      stood in a patch of poison ivy,
      crawled out of quicksand, twice…
      and took four leaks behind big trees.”

      Inspired by the story, my doctor said,
      “You must be one heck of an outdoors man!”

      NAH, I replied, I’m just a bad golfer.”

    • #22537
      Artful
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      Yep Guys, repeat after me
      “I’m sorry dear, I was wrong, here’s the credit card – have fun shopping”

    • #22538
      Artful
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      I’m not Katya, but I’m trying

    • #22540
      Artful
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      Guess I’ll have to find the Eye Wash pictures

    • #22541
      Goodsteel
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      Bwahahahahahahahahaha(gasp)hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!

    • #22542
      Artful
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      – Give me some feed back guys !

    • #22546
      Artful
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      Ah, an audience of one – my kind of crowd

    • #22551
      Sgt. Mike
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      funny they don’t teach this

    • #22552
      Sgt. Mike
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      Sand people don’t understand this rule

      JOE!!!!!!!! quit it

    • #22553
      Artful
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      So in the world of aviation some are pilots, some are passengers and the important people keep the plane in the air.

    • #22565
      Artful
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      And the truth of the matter

    • #22616
      Goodsteel
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      First one in post #4 is my favorite. LOL!

    • #22619
      Sgt. Mike
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      sometimes truth just hurts

    • #22620
      Sgt. Mike
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      And of course LoveLife’s opinion LOL somebody invite the man

    • #22626
      Artful
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      And the real reality

    • #22630
      Artful
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    • #22631
      Artful
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    • #22653
      Sgt. Mike
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      just for Art

    • #22670
      Artful
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      Sgt. Mike;n508 wrote:
      just for Art

      That’s Man’s best friend willing to guide the blind – wonder if I can borrow him?

    • #22680
      Sgt. Mike
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      LOL I thought you would get a kick outta that Art

    • #23188
      Artful
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    • #23210
      Artful
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      COSTELLO: I want to talk about the unemployment rate in America.


      ABBOTT: Good Subject. Terrible Times. It’s 5.6%.



      COSTELLO: That many people are out of work?



      ABBOTT: No, that’s 23%.



      COSTELLO: You just said 5.6%.



      ABBOTT: 5.6% Unemployed.



      COSTELLO: Right 5.6% out of work.



      ABBOTT: No, that’s 23%.



      COSTELLO: Okay, so it’s 23% unemployed.



      ABBOTT: No, that’s 5.6%.



      COSTELLO: WAIT A MINUTE. Is it 5.6% or 23%?



      ABBOTT: 5.6% are unemployed. 23% are out of work.



      COSTELLO: If you are out of work you are unemployed.



      ABBOTT: No, Obama said you can’t count the “Out of Work” as the unemployed. You have to look for work to be unemployed.



      COSTELLO: BUT THEY ARE OUT OF WORK!!!



      ABBOTT: No, you miss his point.



      COSTELLO: What point?



      ABBOTT: Someone who doesn’t look for work can’t be counted with those who look for work. It wouldn’t be fair.


      COSTELLO: To whom?



      ABBOTT: The unemployed.



      COSTELLO: But ALL of them are out of work.



      ABBOTT: No, the unemployed are actively looking for work. Those who are out of work gave up looking and if you give up, you are no longer in the ranks of the unemployed.



      COSTELLO: So if you’re off the unemployment roles that would count as less unemployment?



      ABBOTT: Unemployment would go down. Absolutely!



      COSTELLO: The unemployment just goes down because you don’t look for work?



      ABBOTT: Absolutely it goes down. That’s how it gets to 5.6%. Otherwise it would be 23%.



      COSTELLO: Wait, I got a question for you. That means there are two ways to bring down the unemployment number?



      ABBOTT: Two ways is correct.



      COSTELLO: Unemployment can go down if someone gets a job?



      ABBOTT: Correct.



      COSTELLO: And unemployment can also go down if you stop looking for a job?



      ABBOTT: Bingo.



      COSTELLO: So there are two ways to bring unemployment down, and the easier of the two is to have people stop looking for work.


      ABBOTT: Now you’re thinking like a Democrat.



      COSTELLO: I don’t even know what the hell I just said!



      ABBOTT: Now you’re thinking like Hillary.

    • #23478
      Sgt. Mike
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      Dogs are awesome and I just love my new Justin’s

    • #23527
      Artful
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      A man was walking in the city, when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and
      shabby-looking bum who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

      The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked,
      “If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?”

      No, I stopped drinking years ago,” the bum said.

      “Will you use it to gamble?”

      I don’t gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive.

      “Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course?”

      Are you NUTS!? I haven’t played golf in 20 years!

      The man said, “Well, I’m not going to give you two dollars.
      Instead, I’m going to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife.”

      The bum was astounded.
      Won’t your wife be furious with you for doing that?
      I know I’m dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad.

      The man replied:
      “That’s OK.
      I just want her to see what a man who’s given up drinking, gambling and golf looks like.”

    • #23656
      Artful
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      THE BASIC RULES FOR CLOTHESLINES:
      (If you don’t even know what clotheslines are, better skip this, or better yet, read on. You might learn something.)

      1.You had to hang the socks by the toes. NOT the top.

      2. You hung pants by the BOTTOM/cuffs… NOT the waistbands.

      3. You had to WASH the clothesline(s) before hanging any clothes. Walk the entire length of each line with a damp cloth around the lines.

      4. You had to hang the clothes in a certain order, and always hang “whites” with “whites,” and hang them first.

      5. You NEVER hung a shirt by the shoulders – always by the tail! What would the neighbors think?

      6. Wash day on a Monday! NEVER hang clothes on the weekend, Or on Sunday, for Heaven’s sake!

      7. Hang the sheets and towels on the OUTSIDE lines so you could hide your “unmentionables” in the middle (perverts & busybodies, y’know!)

      8. It didn’t matter if it was sub-zero weather… clothes would “freeze-dry.”

      9. ALWAYS gather the clothes pins when taking down dry clothes! Pins left on the lines were “tacky”!

      10. If you were efficient, you would line the clothes up so that each item did not need two clothes pins, but shared one of the clothes pins with the next washed item.

      11. Clothes off of the line before dinner time, neatly folded in the clothes basket, and ready to be ironed. IRONED??!! Well, that’s a whole OTHER subject!

      12. Long wooden pole (clothes pole) that was used to push the clotheslines up so that longer items (sheets/pants/etc.) didn’t brush the ground and get dirty.

      And now a POEM…



      A clothesline was a news forecast,

      to neighbors passing by,
      there were no secrets you could keep,
      when clothes were hung to dry.

      It also was a friendly link,

      for neighbors always knew,
      if company had stopped on by
      to spend a night or two.

      For then you’d see the “fancy sheets”,

      and towels upon the line;
      you’d see the “company table cloths”
      with intricate design.

      The line announced a baby’s birth,
      from folks who lived inside,
      as brand new infant clothes were hung,
      so carefully with pride!


      The ages of the children could,

      so readily be known,
      by watching how the sizes changed,
      you’d know how much they’d grown!

      It also told when illness struck,
      as extra sheets were hung;
      then nightclothes, and a bathrobe too,
      haphazardly were strung.

      It also said, “On vacation now”,
      when lines hung limp and bare.
      It told, “We’re back!” when full lines sagged,
      with not an inch to spare!


      New folks in town were scorned upon,

      if wash was dingy and gray,
      as neighbors carefully raised their brows,
      and looked the other way.


      But clotheslines now are of the past,

      for dryers make work much less.
      Now what goes on inside a home,
      is anybody’s guess!

      I really miss that way of life,

      it was a friendly sign,
      when neighbors knew each other best
      by what hung on the line.

    • #23661
      Goodsteel
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      Makes you wonder if that was the origin of “seeing whats doing online”. LOL!
      Nowadays we have facebook or GSF LOL!

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