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    • #27302
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    • #27305
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      That was Soooo wrong on so many levels , Brier Bear . 😉

    • #27315
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      There was a man who entered a local newspaper’s pun contest.

      He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

      Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

    • #27316
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      After Quasimodo’s death, the bishop of the cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bellringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.

      After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he decided to call it a day when a lone, armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bellringers job. The bishop was incredulous, “You have no arms!”

      “No matter,” said the man, “Observe!”

      He then began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced that he had finally found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo.

      Suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped, and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.

      The stunned bishop rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before. As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, “Bishop, who was this man?”

      “I don’t know his name,” the bishop sadly replied, “but his face rings a bell.”

      The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bellringer of Notre Dame.

      The first man to approach him said, “Your excellency, I am the brother of the poor, armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty.”

      The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and as the armless man’s brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest and died on the spot.

      Two monks, hearing the bishop’s cries of grief at this second tragedy,rushed up the stairs to his side.

      “What has happened?” the first breathlessly asked, “Who is this man?”

      “I don’t know his name,” sighed the distraught bishop, “but he’s a dead ringer for his brother.

    • #27317
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      Ole and Lars were standing outside the Church before services one Sunday morning, and Ole said to Lars:

      “Lars, I couldn’t ask just anyone to do this, but you are my best friend.

      I need you to keep the Pastor occupied for an hour or so after the services are over today.

      I have an appointment with his wife, if you know what I mean….”

      Ole knew what he meant, and made a half-hearted effort to keep the Pastor occupied, but about ten minutes into it, he had an attack of conscience and confessed to the Pastor what he’d been asked to do.

      The Pastor replied “Ole, you probably need to go home right now. My wife died three years ago.”

    • #27318
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      A 25-year-old Jewish girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

      Shouting and crying, the mother says, “Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!” Without answering, the girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Mercedes stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and wearing a yarmulke steps out of the car and enters the house.

      He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them, “Your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can’t marry her because of my personal family situation but I’ll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.

      “Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath two retail furniture stores, a deli, a condo in Miami, and a $1,000,000 bank account.”
      “If a boy is born, my legacy will be a chain of jewelry stores and a $25,000,000 bank account.”

      “However, if there is a miscarriage, I’m not sure what to do. What do you suggest?”

      All silent at this point, the mother placed a hand firmly on the man’s shoulder and told him, ‘You’ll do her again.”

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