- February 15, 2016 at 12:10 pm #24058
This little old lady walks into an ice cream parlor and asks for two scoops of chocolate ice cream.
The man behind the counter says, “I’m sorry, we are all out of chocolate ice cream.”
The lady says, “OK, I’ll take one scoop of chocolate ice cream in a cup.”
The man says, “Ma’am, we are all out of chocolate.”
The little old lady says, “OK, then I’ll have a single scoop of chocolate in a cone.”
The man, a little more irritated this time says, “Ok, lady. Spell van as in vanilla.”
The lady says, “V A N.”
The man says, “OK, spell straw as in strawberry.”
The lady says, “S T R A W.”
The man says, “OK, now spell freak as in chocolate.”
The lady says, “There ain’t no freak in chocolate.”
The man replies, “Lady, that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you all along!”
- February 15, 2016 at 12:28 pm #24059
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Wairarapa.
Eventually he shot down a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over it, the elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, “I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I’m going to retrieve it.”
The old farmer replied, “This is my property, and you are not coming over here.”
The indignant lawyer said, “I am one of the best trial attorneys in New Zealand and if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take everything you own.”
The old farmer smiled and said, “Apparently, you don’t know how we settle disputes in North Wairarapa. We settle small disagreements like this with the ‘Three Kick Rule.'”
The lawyer asked, “What is the ‘Three Kick Rule’?”
The Farmer replied, “Well, because the dispute occurred on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times, and then you kick me three times and so on, back and forth until someone gives up.” The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney.
His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer’s groin and dropped him to his knees!
His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer’s last meal gushing from his mouth.
The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer’s third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and remaining strength and very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, “Okay, you old fart. Now it’s my turn.”
The old farmer smiled and said, “You know what? Take the duck.”
- February 15, 2016 at 12:32 pm #24060Fritz Coleman shares some funny thoughts about how you know you’re growing older when certain things begin to happen to your body.
A 10-second hug lowers blood pressure by increasing the feel-good hormone oxytocin
and lowering the stress chemical cortisol. Now you know.
Life may not be the party we hoped for. But while we’re here we might as well DANCE !
Yesterday’s a memory, tomorrow’s a dream . . .Enjoy today!
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.