Rattlesnake Charlie
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It turns out that killer hogs are being trained deep in the swamps of Louisiana by the CIA for missions just as this. Custom fit oxygen masks are being manufactured by a new startup company whose stock is skyrocketing. While I truly appreciate the contribution these hogs are making, I am concerned that this could lead to a shortage of bacon here in the homeland. That would be really bad. If anyone believes any of this, I’ve got an insider tip on the sale of a bridge. PM me for details. To be eligible you must send me a copy of your voter ID. No exceptions.

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